There’s something nobody really prepares you for about becoming a woman: Sometimes the life you prayed for changes. Not because you’re ungrateful. Not because you don’t know what you want. Sometimes you simply grow into a version of yourself that needs something different. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. There were versions of me who were necessary for the season I was in.
The woman who could push through anything.
The woman who thought being strong meant figuring everything out on her own.
The woman who said yes because she didn’t want to miss an opportunity.
I’m grateful for her.
But I don’t necessarily want to be her forever. I think that’s one of the hardest parts of growth… realizing you can love who you used to be without continuing to live like her. For a long time, I thought growth meant adding more.
More goals.
More work.
More opportunities.
More proof that I was doing something with my life.
Now I’m realizing growth can look like subtraction too.
Less explaining.
Less forcing.
Less saying yes because you’re afraid something else won’t come.
Less trying to make an old dream fit the woman you are today.
And that can be uncomfortable.
Sometimes you’ve spent years telling people what you want. You’ve invested time into it. You’ve made it part of your identity. Then one day you quietly ask yourself:
Do I even want this the same way anymore?
That question can feel scary. Because changing your mind can look like quitting when sometimes it’s actually clarity. I’ve experienced that creatively too. There have been moments where I thought I knew exactly what Lady Matt was supposed to look like, sound like, or become.
Then life happened.
I grew.
My priorities shifted.
Now I want more than just being able to say I accomplished something.
I want the things I build to actually feel like me.
I want to enjoy my life while I’m building it.
I want success that doesn’t require me to abandon myself to maintain it.
And I think a lot of women understand that. We’re taught how to keep things together. How to adjust. How to be dependable. How to keep showing up. But nobody talks enough about the courage it takes to admit:
This doesn’t fit me anymore.
A friendship.
A goal.
A habit.
A way of thinking.
A version of yourself.
Sometimes we stay loyal to things simply because they’ve been with us for a long time. I’m learning that longevity alone doesn’t make something aligned. The woman I used to be survived some things. She dreamed big. She made mistakes. She kept going.
I love her for that.
But she also didn’t know everything I know now. That’s the beauty of growing.
You’re allowed to learn.
You’re allowed to soften.
You’re allowed to want something different.
You’re allowed to discover that the destination you were running toward isn’t where you want to live anymore.
That doesn’t erase the journey. It means the journey taught you something.
So lately, I’ve been asking myself:
What feels true now?
What deserves my energy now?
And what am I carrying simply because I’ve carried it for so long?
I don’t have every answer yet. But maybe growing up isn’t finally having everything figured out. Maybe it’s knowing yourself well enough to recognize when something has changed… and trusting yourself enough to change with it.
So here’s to every version of us that got us this far.
We don’t have to hate her to outgrow her.
We can thank her…
and keep going.
This version will read much better on a phone because the eye gets little breaks throughout instead of hitting big blocks of text. I’d use this as the final website version.